i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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