I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
