He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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