Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
