I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
