He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize