there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
