my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize