you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
