god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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