Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
