We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
