nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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