yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
