I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
