After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
and she was petting her beer can
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
