Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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