This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
