Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
