this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
