phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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