yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
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