The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
