bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
