i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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