She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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