I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize