maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
