marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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