I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just found puke in my bra..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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