I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
