i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
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