dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
