I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
