Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
