can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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