she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
