I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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