we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
