I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
