I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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