He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
