I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize