Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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