well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize