I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Who died my cat blue again?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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