frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
