I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize