mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You ate ashes out of my bong
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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