Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
