Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
even my farts smell like vagina
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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