are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize