Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
