So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
