he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
