just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
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