You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
