Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
