We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm always down for nudity.
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