My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she told me i tasted like america
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
