Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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