her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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