yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize