Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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