If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
