I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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