can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
