I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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