First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize